Monday, August 2, 2010
August 2, 2010
This will be my final regular blog.
I believe that if we only had two doors to choose from, death and the truth, 95% of people would choose death. To face our greatest fears, to reveal our secrets, to discover that if we said what was actually true for us, we believe that we will never be loved. When in fact the opposite is true. Until we reveal our truths then it is always the leverage that convinces us of why we are unworthy of the love we seek. We must first love ourselves.
SM Management is a business but I have come to understand that my purpose is not to grow my business. My purpose is to continue to live from my truth authentically. Writing my blogs or doing facebook were suggestions made by clients who enjoy this medium. I enjoy authentic human engagements and there can be so much left unsaid in this medium. I have learned a lot but can no longer pretend. What I have discussed in my blogs, the conversations with my clients, is not a business to me. It is my life. Growing up I always avoided what I knew because it scared me. Someone would say something and it was if there was a loud speaker that said the truth. I have in the last few months lost friends because I just couldn't ignore the loud speaker anymore. I watched them suffer and recreate the same challenges over and over and decided to say something. I tried to ignore their blatant actions that conveyed their truths but in the end I can't pretend that I don't know. I know more than anyone, until you are ready, you are not ready. So I understand. But understanding doesn't make it any easier. I do think though that most people would rather die than reveal their truth. It is a shame that we have been programmed this way because it is the exact revealing of the truth that would allow us to begin to heal and release. But it can be a pain because to continue to heal and release you have to keep being honest with yourself and telling the truth in a world that encourages the quick fix. The quick fix is only temporary and my interests is in the long term commitment to the truth. Long term commitment to love, heart and truth.
I used to think my purpose was to be a singer, dancer and actress. Then it was to be an actress. Then it was to build my business. Now it is to get out of debt. But at the root, it is and as always been, to live inspired, fulfilled and free. When I am at the lake surrounded by rabbits, geese, water and trees, here in beautiful Upstate New York I experience that. When I am speaking with my remaining friends and/or clients that have come to love who they are because they faced their truths, I experience that. I am 37 years old and honestly I am tired. I want to live in peace with beauty surrounding me and authentic love, trust and people willing to to put their core conversations in action.
This is my last regular blog. I want to engage in Core Conversations. This process requires time and trust and if a person is just looking for the quick fix and not willing to go within then sadly they will just circle back to where they have always been. There are plenty of places people can go to get the "quick fix." I am not interested in the continuation of the suffering, I am interested in the healing and the release and people knowing that who they are is enough.
I have known when someone is going to die, I have felt natural disasters before they came, I have looked at someone and felt their pain. I have discovered here in the natural beauty of things that I am home. I am inspired and free. I am growing and I am aware that I may not have everything I want, but I am so aware that I do always have everything I need.
Before I sign off one last time, I am hoping if I give an example of an actual conversation, it may inspire you to some time open the door to the truth instead of to your repeated death.
>Client: I see from the numbers what I have to do.
Me: What is it that you have to do.
Client: The thing that has no creativity, the thing that I hate.
Me: So if you know that you hate it and thank you for admitting that, why is it that you think that you just have to do it.
Client: Because I am an adult. And I can't just keep being immature. I will make it work. I always do. It is fine. I will do it.
Me: What if you let go of that habit of forcing yourself to do what you don't believe in. Start there and see what shows up. You are not being immature, it is simply what is true for you and that is ok. What if you didn't keep stopping at what is not true for you. What would be possible?
Client: Stop it. This is what I have to do and that's it.
Me: Why do we keep doing this to ourselves? Every meeting we've had, it's ended with the suffering. The truth is as you just stated, you don't want to build your business this way. This is the foundation which causes you to suffer so that will always be the result. Always. I am asking you to start from what is actually true for you and go from there.
Client: Why? I might not like it but that is just the way it is.
Me: But it isn't just the way it is. You know you don't want to build your business this way.
Client: But the numbers show it is the only way to make the business viable.
Me: Yes, and more than the numbers, I believe and have seen that when we go from what is true for us, the rest will fall into place, numbers, time, etc. but first we MUST BE WILLING TO ADMIT WHAT IS TRUE AND TAKE ACTION FROM THERE. If you didn't believe that you have to suffer and just make it work what else would be possible.
Client: You're not going to let this go.
Me:No, because there is no pleasure in these meetings always ending with suffering. Something else is possible but you must first go from what is true. First you faced the numbers and saw why the business was losing money. Then you saw that the most viable way to earn the money still wasn't going to be enough and on top of that it is a business that you would hate. What if you did not have to force yourself to do a business you hate. What else is possible?
Client...Well, ok. Yes, I don't want the business to be...that would be awful. I would hate it and no I don't want to do that.
Me: Good. That is the truth. What do you want to do?
Client: When I started the business I wanted....wait...oh..if I go back to what it was supposed to be originally...oh my god....I started trying to make it fit into something else...I lost sight of my own visions....oh my god...(she drew out her business...) everything that she had spent 4 years suffering through all clicked in to place once she was willing to admit her truth. Her resistance to what was true, her habit having trained her to call herself "immature", contributed to much suffering over several years. Once she admitted it, in less than a half an hour she was full of possibility. She could tangibly see how she could now make her dreams a reality by following her core truths. She had to first be with what was true and she will now need to consistently be willing to admit her truths and make decisions and take actions from there. Death and suffering is built into our habits, truth is our only opportunity for it to be released.
I am now willing to admit my truth. My purpose is not to grow my business, my purpose is live the rest of my days authentically engaged with others ready and willing to live authentically.
I'm off to live my purpose. If you need me, you know where to find me.
I'll be AT THE LAKE.
May you be apart of the 5% opening the door to your truth consistently- it is the only path for your healing, love and release!
Monday, July 5, 2010
HEALING FINANCES: PART TWO
How is it possible to have a financial healing when you are facing foreclosure, bankruptcy, and being laid off? You are stressed, afraid, and feeling as if your life is coming apart. STOP and face it. Part of the reasons for our fears is that as we are running (this includes constantly helping others) we are still carrying the weight. But as soon as you stop and face it, you are giving yourself the opportunity to actually put the weight down. Once you face it, then you can devise a plan to deal with it.
In the last article I encouraged you to address yourself spiritually. First, stop blaming your money, second, pay attention to yourself and third track your income and spending daily. If you have followed through on these steps (please read June 2010 issue) now you are ready to implement a practical tool. Again it is not enough to read this article. Before the month is over please actually do the items listed below. Knowing is not enough, it is about what you will discover when you experience the steps below.
Step 1. Take 3 deep breaths.
Step 2. Make a calendar. Do this with crayons, color paper; anything that as a child you had fun playing with. Follow these steps as the child in you that welcomed projects as a new adventure. (If you prefer computers, use the calendar spreadsheet and follow the steps below accordingly.) Make sure each date has room to write/enter in several entries.
Step 3. Gather all of your Bills - (If this sentence makes you cringe start with 3 bills. Add 3 bills each day until it’s complete.) Be present. Don’t try to figure anything out with your mind, simply gather your bills and place them in the appropriate dates. Take 3 deep breaths.
Step 4. Write the bill and amount due on the corresponding calendar date(i.e. Mortgage $600 written in space for July 1st on calendar, $500 Car Insurance written in space for July 15th on calendar, etc.)
Step 6: Be present. Breathe.
What has unfolded? What do you notice?
Write down what comes to you.
For example: If you have more income the second week of the month and many more bills the last week of the month then the “extra” from the second week you pay towards the bills that are due the last week of the month. Instead of getting to the last week and saying “I don’t have enough money.”
Make a plan (based on what is in front of you). If you are present ,you will experience possibility. If all you are experiencing is the same pain and fear then that is an indication that you are operating from the habitual patterns of your mind. Breathe and return to the spiritual practice outlined in the June 2010 issue. Return to the calendar. Repeat this process until possibility unfolds.
We are a culture that has been invested in the shortcut. We are shown everyday, that in the long run shortcuts do not work. This process is about you experiencing the possibility of financial ease and peace for the long term. I invite you to try something different. Stop running. Put the weight down. The results are 100%. When we face the root of what we have been avoiding, what is on the other side is our core peace.
Face your finances. Make your calendar today. Face yourself. Stop blaming your money. Pay attention to yourself and track your income and expenses daily. It’s 100% guaranteed. Take actions on these steps and experience spiritual and financial ease and peace!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Healing Finances. What exactly does that mean? It means to experience financial ease and peace. There is a distinct difference between knowing something and doing something. I When we face our finances, we face ourselves.
How many times have you wanted to do something and used money as the reason that you decide not to? How many times have you punished yourself for what you should have done with your money? Or maybe, you‘ve taken various seminars on creating and implementing a budget and a few months later the old habits have returned. Did you ever stop to consider that the issues actually have nothing to do with money? They repeat themselves, no matter how hard you try to correct it, because the solutions you are implementing have nothing to do with the cause of the problem. Our financial systems are simply mirroring our beliefs. Because our finances connect to every single area of our lives, when we deal with our finances, we are automatically addressing ourselves. I think many of us know this intellectually but we need to implement an approach, which goes beyond knowing to actually experiencing. Unless we have first identified the root issue and then put in place a practice that we can authentically and consistently repeat, the old patterns remain and we cannot consistently face our finances or ourselves. We operate many times unconsciously and the pointers I will be making below are to help you stop and begin to operate consciously.
The elements to this process are spiritual and practical. One without the other creates an imbalance. To budget without discovering a system that is in alignment with you spiritually is to create a budget that will not last long. To meditate and take part in many healing spiritual practices during the day and then avoid your mail and your checking account at night means you are engaging in temporary fixes which is very different from actually healing. The process that will create a healing in your finances and in your life requires a conscious effort to address yourself spiritually and practically.
They are: 1. Stop blaming your money
2. Pay attention to you
3. Track your income and spending.
1. STOP BLAMING YOUR MONEY - What would happen if you went beyond the first thought that came to you. “If I had money then I would….” or “If I made more money than I could…” If you removed money as the reason, what would you discover? For example I had a client this weekend that was very stressed about the fact that she spent $2000 in one week. I asked her to consider what she was really upset about. Her first response was that everything was fine; she just needed to get responsible and stop her spending. She blamed her relationship with money. After several more questions it turned out that she had agreed to meet her mother somewhere that she really didn’t want to go. “This happens all the time with my mother. She only wants to do what she wants to do. We just can’t communicate. But I’m not upset about it. It’s always been that way. I just deal with it, it’s no big deal.” She was blaming her relationship with money but really, it was the relationship with her mother that was at the root of the issue and had been for many, many years. It was a very big deal. But instead of being willing to say what was true for her, she instead settled and spent the week anxious and trying to medicate with money. When she made money the problem, her solutions didn’t stop her from spending because it wasn’t really the problem. Stop blaming your money.
2. PAY ATTENTION TO YOU – She ran around the entire week spending and punishing herself for spending. This next step requires that you STOP. One practical way to help you do this is to take at least take three deep breaths in the morning and three deep breaths in the evening. This will allow you to reconnect with yourself. You will notice that sometimes you will feel differently than you thought you did. You may have on a happy smiling face and as soon as you stop, tears come to your eyes. Stop and see if you can get to the reason why. There is a reason. The way to know that you haven’t gotten to the core reason is that you keep engaging in the activities that cause you to feel upset. Out of habit we say that we are upset because ““I am bad with numbers,” or “I’m an irresponsible person.” When in fact, your financial system is simply revealing that there is an unresolved spiritual/emotional need asking for help. This client was in pain and had been taught that spending and settling makes you feel better. It used to, but she had reached a point in her life where it was no longer enough. Because she wasn’t paying attention to herself, she wasn’t able to admit the real issue so she had no idea how to engage in behaviors that would cause her to experience peace.
The relief comes when we face it; it is never as bad as we fear. As soon as you take the time to understand why you feel the way you feel, you instantly experience what is possible. You finally have the answer to your “why.” Until you STOP and PAY ATTENTION TO YOU, you never get the experience of the release. Sometimes we think that it is easier to believe that there is something wrong with us than it is to face our fears. My client had faced her fear and now she was ready to face her mother and tell her the truth. “I don’t want to meet you close to the mall so we have the distraction of shopping. I want to actually just sit down, have a meal and actually spend time with each other. Why can’t we just spend time together?” She realized, that it is not that she and her mother can’t communicate. It is that she first has to be connected and in communication with herself. Please stop and take at least three deep breaths in the morning and in the evening. Connect and pay attention to yourself.
3. TRACK YOUR INCOME & SPENDING DAILY
Write down daily what you bought and the amount of the item. Write down the amount you received and from where. We are often quick to track spending but so often leave out what we have received. Please track both. It does not matter if you have done this before. It only matters that you do it now coupled with the two items above. Because this client had followed the coaching and had kept track of her spending, when we added the numbers she saw that the income ratio more than doubled what she had spent. Prior, she had just been telling herself that she had spent more than she had. But by having the actual numbers, the habit of blaming the money had lost all of its power. She could see for herself that something else had to be in play. Track your income and spending so you may shed the habitual emotional money blame.
Remember the point of this article is not just to read it, but also to actually follow through in action. Talking, reading and learning about something are not enough. You need to experience yourself and we have to move the excuse of money out of the way. It is an energy that we use to make manifest our belief. This client believed that her and her mother could never communicate. That is painful. More importantly, it wasn’t true. We fear facing our finances and ourselves because we believe in what is not true. We repeat the actions that cause us the pain and reinstate the belief. But she experienced that it wasn’t true and that is the difference in this process. By taking action on these three steps, the repeated pain is immediately taken away. By paying attention to herself she can communicate what is true for her to her mother. She suddenly feels at peace and in control and tears come to her eyes because she glimpses the possibility that she and her mother can communicate. She realizes that there isn’t something wrong with her. Every time she is untrue to herself and chooses to blame her money, the old patterns of pain will surface again. But every time she is truthful to herself, peace, control and possibility are experienced again.
I would love to hear about what you experience when you implement these steps. Feel free to email or call for your free consultation. Remember, if nothing changes for you by the middle of the month, you are not practicing the three steps consistently. First, consider that money is not the issue. Second, stop and pay attention to you using breathing as a tool and third track your financial income and spending. In a future article, I will share a very simple and practical tool that anyone can use to help them face, implement, use and even enjoy their financial planning.
Face your finances, face yourself! It is never as bad as what your mind thinks. Face it so YOU can experience spiritual and financial ease and peace!