Sunday, June 6, 2010

June 6, 2010

Article Published this month in The NorthEastern Holistic Resource: A Magazine Supporting Integrative Health Care for Balance of Body, Mind and Spirit.

Healing Finances by Samarra Mbenga

Healing Finances. What exactly does that mean? It means to experience financial ease and peace. There is a distinct difference between knowing something and doing something. I When we face our finances, we face ourselves.

How many times have you wanted to do something and used money as the reason that you decide not to? How many times have you punished yourself for what you should have done with your money? Or maybe, you‘ve taken various seminars on creating and implementing a budget and a few months later the old habits have returned. Did you ever stop to consider that the issues actually have nothing to do with money? They repeat themselves, no matter how hard you try to correct it, because the solutions you are implementing have nothing to do with the cause of the problem. Our financial systems are simply mirroring our beliefs. Because our finances connect to every single area of our lives, when we deal with our finances, we are automatically addressing ourselves. I think many of us know this intellectually but we need to implement an approach, which goes beyond knowing to actually experiencing. Unless we have first identified the root issue and then put in place a practice that we can authentically and consistently repeat, the old patterns remain and we cannot consistently face our finances or ourselves. We operate many times unconsciously and the pointers I will be making below are to help you stop and begin to operate consciously.

The elements to this process are spiritual and practical. One without the other creates an imbalance. To budget without discovering a system that is in alignment with you spiritually is to create a budget that will not last long. To meditate and take part in many healing spiritual practices during the day and then avoid your mail and your checking account at night means you are engaging in temporary fixes which is very different from actually healing. The process that will create a healing in your finances and in your life requires a conscious effort to address yourself spiritually and practically.

They are: 1. Stop blaming your money

2. Pay attention to you

3. Track your income and spending.

1. STOP BLAMING YOUR MONEY - What would happen if you went beyond the first thought that came to you. “If I had money then I would….” or “If I made more money than I could…” If you removed money as the reason, what would you discover? For example I had a client this weekend that was very stressed about the fact that she spent $2000 in one week. I asked her to consider what she was really upset about. Her first response was that everything was fine; she just needed to get responsible and stop her spending. She blamed her relationship with money. After several more questions it turned out that she had agreed to meet her mother somewhere that she really didn’t want to go. “This happens all the time with my mother. She only wants to do what she wants to do. We just can’t communicate. But I’m not upset about it. It’s always been that way. I just deal with it, it’s no big deal.” She was blaming her relationship with money but really, it was the relationship with her mother that was at the root of the issue and had been for many, many years. It was a very big deal. But instead of being willing to say what was true for her, she instead settled and spent the week anxious and trying to medicate with money. When she made money the problem, her solutions didn’t stop her from spending because it wasn’t really the problem. Stop blaming your money.

2. PAY ATTENTION TO YOU – She ran around the entire week spending and punishing herself for spending. This next step requires that you STOP. One practical way to help you do this is to take at least take three deep breaths in the morning and three deep breaths in the evening. This will allow you to reconnect with yourself. You will notice that sometimes you will feel differently than you thought you did. You may have on a happy smiling face and as soon as you stop, tears come to your eyes. Stop and see if you can get to the reason why. There is a reason. The way to know that you haven’t gotten to the core reason is that you keep engaging in the activities that cause you to feel upset. Out of habit we say that we are upset because ““I am bad with numbers,” or “I’m an irresponsible person.” When in fact, your financial system is simply revealing that there is an unresolved spiritual/emotional need asking for help. This client was in pain and had been taught that spending and settling makes you feel better. It used to, but she had reached a point in her life where it was no longer enough. Because she wasn’t paying attention to herself, she wasn’t able to admit the real issue so she had no idea how to engage in behaviors that would cause her to experience peace.

The relief comes when we face it; it is never as bad as we fear. As soon as you take the time to understand why you feel the way you feel, you instantly experience what is possible. You finally have the answer to your “why.” Until you STOP and PAY ATTENTION TO YOU, you never get the experience of the release. Sometimes we think that it is easier to believe that there is something wrong with us than it is to face our fears. My client had faced her fear and now she was ready to face her mother and tell her the truth. “I don’t want to meet you close to the mall so we have the distraction of shopping. I want to actually just sit down, have a meal and actually spend time with each other. Why can’t we just spend time together?” She realized, that it is not that she and her mother can’t communicate. It is that she first has to be connected and in communication with herself. Please stop and take at least three deep breaths in the morning and in the evening. Connect and pay attention to yourself.


Write down daily what you bought and the amount of the item. Write down the amount you received and from where. We are often quick to track spending but so often leave out what we have received. Please track both. It does not matter if you have done this before. It only matters that you do it now coupled with the two items above. Because this client had followed the coaching and had kept track of her spending, when we added the numbers she saw that the income ratio more than doubled what she had spent. Prior, she had just been telling herself that she had spent more than she had. But by having the actual numbers, the habit of blaming the money had lost all of its power. She could see for herself that something else had to be in play. Track your income and spending so you may shed the habitual emotional money blame.

Remember the point of this article is not just to read it, but also to actually follow through in action. Talking, reading and learning about something are not enough. You need to experience yourself and we have to move the excuse of money out of the way. It is an energy that we use to make manifest our belief. This client believed that her and her mother could never communicate. That is painful. More importantly, it wasn’t true. We fear facing our finances and ourselves because we believe in what is not true. We repeat the actions that cause us the pain and reinstate the belief. But she experienced that it wasn’t true and that is the difference in this process. By taking action on these three steps, the repeated pain is immediately taken away. By paying attention to herself she can communicate what is true for her to her mother. She suddenly feels at peace and in control and tears come to her eyes because she glimpses the possibility that she and her mother can communicate. She realizes that there isn’t something wrong with her. Every time she is untrue to herself and chooses to blame her money, the old patterns of pain will surface again. But every time she is truthful to herself, peace, control and possibility are experienced again.

I would love to hear about what you experience when you implement these steps. Feel free to email or call for your free consultation. Remember, if nothing changes for you by the middle of the month, you are not practicing the three steps consistently. First, consider that money is not the issue. Second, stop and pay attention to you using breathing as a tool and third track your financial income and spending. In a future article, I will share a very simple and practical tool that anyone can use to help them face, implement, use and even enjoy their financial planning.

Face your finances, face yourself! It is never as bad as what your mind thinks. Face it so YOU can experience spiritual and financial ease and peace!