Monday, August 2, 2010


August 2, 2010

This will be my final regular blog.
I believe that if we only had two doors to choose from, death and the truth, 95% of people would choose death. To face our greatest fears, to reveal our secrets, to discover that if we said what was actually true for us, we believe that we will never be loved. When in fact the opposite is true. Until we reveal our truths then it is always the leverage that convinces us of why we are unworthy of the love we seek. We must first love ourselves.

SM Management is a business but I have come to understand that my purpose is not to grow my business. My purpose is to continue to live from my truth authentically. Writing my blogs or doing facebook were suggestions made by clients who enjoy this medium. I enjoy authentic human engagements and there can be so much left unsaid in this medium. I have learned a lot but can no longer pretend. What I have discussed in my blogs, the conversations with my clients, is not a business to me. It is my life. Growing up I always avoided what I knew because it scared me. Someone would say something and it was if there was a loud speaker that said the truth. I have in the last few months lost friends because I just couldn't ignore the loud speaker anymore. I watched them suffer and recreate the same challenges over and over and decided to say something. I tried to ignore their blatant actions that conveyed their truths but in the end I can't pretend that I don't know. I know more than anyone, until you are ready, you are not ready. So I understand. But understanding doesn't make it any easier. I do think though that most people would rather die than reveal their truth. It is a shame that we have been programmed this way because it is the exact revealing of the truth that would allow us to begin to heal and release. But it can be a pain because to continue to heal and release you have to keep being honest with yourself and telling the truth in a world that encourages the quick fix. The quick fix is only temporary and my interests is in the long term commitment to the truth. Long term commitment to love, heart and truth.

I used to think my purpose was to be a singer, dancer and actress. Then it was to be an actress. Then it was to build my business. Now it is to get out of debt. But at the root, it is and as always been, to live inspired, fulfilled and free. When I am at the lake surrounded by rabbits, geese, water and trees, here in beautiful Upstate New York I experience that. When I am speaking with my remaining friends and/or clients that have come to love who they are because they faced their truths, I experience that. I am 37 years old and honestly I am tired. I want to live in peace with beauty surrounding me and authentic love, trust and people willing to to put their core conversations in action.

This is my last regular blog. I want to engage in Core Conversations. This process requires time and trust and if a person is just looking for the quick fix and not willing to go within then sadly they will just circle back to where they have always been. There are plenty of places people can go to get the "quick fix." I am not interested in the continuation of the suffering, I am interested in the healing and the release and people knowing that who they are is enough.

I have known when someone is going to die, I have felt natural disasters before they came, I have looked at someone and felt their pain. I have discovered here in the natural beauty of things that I am home. I am inspired and free. I am growing and I am aware that I may not have everything I want, but I am so aware that I do always have everything I need.

Before I sign off one last time, I am hoping if I give an example of an actual conversation, it may inspire you to some time open the door to the truth instead of to your repeated death.

>Client: I see from the numbers what I have to do.

Me: What is it that you have to do.

Client: The thing that has no creativity, the thing that I hate.

Me: So if you know that you hate it and thank you for admitting that, why is it that you think that you just have to do it.

Client: Because I am an adult. And I can't just keep being immature. I will make it work. I always do. It is fine. I will do it.

Me: What if you let go of that habit of forcing yourself to do what you don't believe in. Start there and see what shows up. You are not being immature, it is simply what is true for you and that is ok. What if you didn't keep stopping at what is not true for you. What would be possible?

Client: Stop it. This is what I have to do and that's it.

Me: Why do we keep doing this to ourselves? Every meeting we've had, it's ended with the suffering. The truth is as you just stated, you don't want to build your business this way. This is the foundation which causes you to suffer so that will always be the result. Always. I am asking you to start from what is actually true for you and go from there.

Client: Why? I might not like it but that is just the way it is.

Me: But it isn't just the way it is. You know you don't want to build your business this way.

Client: But the numbers show it is the only way to make the business viable.

Me: Yes, and more than the numbers, I believe and have seen that when we go from what is true for us, the rest will fall into place, numbers, time, etc. but first we MUST BE WILLING TO ADMIT WHAT IS TRUE AND TAKE ACTION FROM THERE. If you didn't believe that you have to suffer and just make it work what else would be possible.

Client: You're not going to let this go.

Me:No, because there is no pleasure in these meetings always ending with suffering. Something else is possible but you must first go from what is true. First you faced the numbers and saw why the business was losing money. Then you saw that the most viable way to earn the money still wasn't going to be enough and on top of that it is a business that you would hate. What if you did not have to force yourself to do a business you hate. What else is possible?

Client...Well, ok. Yes, I don't want the business to be...that would be awful. I would hate it and no I don't want to do that.

Me: Good. That is the truth. What do you want to do?
Client: When I started the business I wanted....wait...oh..if I go back to what it was supposed to be originally...oh my god....I started trying to make it fit into something else...I lost sight of my own visions....oh my god...(she drew out her business...) everything that she had spent 4 years suffering through all clicked in to place once she was willing to admit her truth. Her resistance to what was true, her habit having trained her to call herself "immature", contributed to much suffering over several years. Once she admitted it, in less than a half an hour she was full of possibility. She could tangibly see how she could now make her dreams a reality by following her core truths. She had to first be with what was true and she will now need to consistently be willing to admit her truths and make decisions and take actions from there. Death and suffering is built into our habits, truth is our only opportunity for it to be released.

I am now willing to admit my truth. My purpose is not to grow my business, my purpose is live the rest of my days authentically engaged with others ready and willing to live authentically.
I'm off to live my purpose. If you need me, you know where to find me.
I'll be AT THE LAKE.

May you be apart of the 5% opening the door to your truth consistently- it is the only path for your healing, love and release!